So on Monday I had my wisdom teeth removed.
The last thing I remember before I went under was the female assistant putting a gas thing over my nose, and the doctor putting a needle into my arm. He asked me where I got my shoes from, I said DSW, he asked what that was, and I said "Discount Shoe Warehouse." I remember my eyes getting heaving and black spots rolling over my eyes. This was similar to when I had passed out while donating blood, including the nausea and short breath.
Apparently when my dad came back to see me after the surgery, I was "wide awake." I was shivering and kept on asking "I'm cold, why am I cold?" though I only remember being cold. Then i remember the assistant helping me into the bathroom and telling me to keep the door unlocked. I remember sitting in the car looking at my dead lip in the mirror. Then I remember sitting on the chair in my living room, bundled up in blankets with my winter jacket on, attempting to drink water.
I had to physically grab my bottom lip, and move it up to close my mouth, because i had no control over it.
Around four in the afternoon I started to regain feeling in my lip and chin, but I was in a lot of pain. I would randomly cry, sometimes because of the pain, sometimes because I think that the medicine just messed up my emotions. Finally the doctor called and said "Oh yeah, you can take advil along with the pain meds"
I simply held out my hand to my dad.
Not 10 minutes later I was pain free!
The whole day I had been dozing in and out, and the night was no different, except I was tempted to sleep on my side, which was rather painful. So was trying to brush my teeth. That was an odd experience
Tuesday was a good day! I was horribly swollen and uncomfortable, but no pain. My dad and I watched the history channel for a good part of the day, discussing whether or not we agreed with them, and adding on little facts we randomly knew. Good bonding time. =)
I was finally allowed to drink warm liquids, so I had fajita soup! Such a contrast to the smoothies and malts that I'd been drinking for the past day and a half.
By Tuesday evening, I started having pain again, but this time it was where they cut in my gums, instead of the general area as it had been before. I fell into a deep, dream/nightmare filled sleep. Riley saved me from a nightmare by calling once. But the rest of the night I slept okay, I was just emotionally drained. I woke at 6 (to ask my mother to make me an ice pack) at 10, then at 12. I had gotten around 14 hours of sleep...
Today I had a little pain, but nothing unbearable. I've had to take both medications every 3 hours because I could feel when it wore off. I still can't really open or close my jaw, so I can't eat anything solid (though i can swallow things, like cheese, which tastes good even if just swallowed...hehe)
Lindsay Landry came and visited me today! I gave her her newly-wrapped Christmas present (a rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock shirt inspired by The Big Bang Theory) and we talked, ate ice-cream (mine was more of ice-cream soup so I could eat it) and watched Home Alone 2 and the newest Big Bang Theory episode.
Suddenly, I was hit with exhaustion, and instantly fell asleep for about an hour, till Riley called
Then Riley came to see me!! =) he didnt laugh at me and was a good sport about me being all facially distorted. Good job, boyfriend. You get a gold star =) and soup!
Then my mom brought me egg drop soup (nom nom nom) and my sister came home and laughed at me for the whole dinner time. I was too tired to care.
And finally here I am =) super tired still, and in a little pain, so I'm going to sleep a little.
I still have a fat face, and I think I've started bruising a little bit, but, for some reason, I don't really mind.
Anyway, keep me in your prayers for a quick recovery and less pain!!
Have a fun last few days of school, high-schoolers, and I hope you're enjoying your break so far, collegians!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
conviction
Today I was thinking about how I don't like to be told that I'm wrong.
What's sad is that I'm wrong a lot. Just like anyone else, really.
I don't like being corrected, I don't like having to admit that I was wrong.
Now the odd thing about this is that almost always, I'm thankful for the criticism later in life, because then I wanted to changed, and was now working on it or had actually changed.
What I was convicted of today (ironically enough) is that sometimes I avoid being convicted. I mean i know that's an iffy statement but if there is something that I know will convict me, then I might avoid doing it. For instance, reading intense books, or listening to podcasts.
Now I do read those books and listen to podcasts but sometimes I might choose not to because I don't feel like feeling that conviction.
Now is when I punch myself in the face for being so stupid.
Because... that is most likely when I'll need those things and those convictions.
In a way, this kind of helps me understand why people turn away from God when they've done something bad. They don't want to directly feel the conviction, because their guilt is enough, or because they don't want to be wrong.
I just need to be strong enough to face the convictions and deal with the shame of being sinful. I can't be afraid of being humbled and I just need to constantly remind myself that my faith is that I am sinful and imperfect and He frees me from my flesh.
and my pride.
What's sad is that I'm wrong a lot. Just like anyone else, really.
I don't like being corrected, I don't like having to admit that I was wrong.
Now the odd thing about this is that almost always, I'm thankful for the criticism later in life, because then I wanted to changed, and was now working on it or had actually changed.
What I was convicted of today (ironically enough) is that sometimes I avoid being convicted. I mean i know that's an iffy statement but if there is something that I know will convict me, then I might avoid doing it. For instance, reading intense books, or listening to podcasts.
Now I do read those books and listen to podcasts but sometimes I might choose not to because I don't feel like feeling that conviction.
Now is when I punch myself in the face for being so stupid.
Because... that is most likely when I'll need those things and those convictions.
In a way, this kind of helps me understand why people turn away from God when they've done something bad. They don't want to directly feel the conviction, because their guilt is enough, or because they don't want to be wrong.
I just need to be strong enough to face the convictions and deal with the shame of being sinful. I can't be afraid of being humbled and I just need to constantly remind myself that my faith is that I am sinful and imperfect and He frees me from my flesh.
and my pride.
Friday, November 20, 2009
myself and my flesh
We, as humans, have an innate desire to do something bad. This is called flesh. The influence of the world. And even our own experiences show us that doing something wrong can make you feel good. Whether it be gossiping, lying, or flirting with someone when you’re in a relationship with someone else. I, as a human, will always have this internal struggle to do something dishonorable; that is, until I achieve a Christ-like spirit.
It’s sad to say that sometimes I have to search for something to do to let lose my desire to do something wrong, in hopes of finding something that’s not that bad.
When a guy comes up to me and starts flirting, it’s hard for me to not flirt back. Not because I’m not interested in the one I’m with, and not because I seek the excitement of cheating on him (this I hope I never desire) but because it’s a fun game to play. Flirting is just a fun thing for people, and I am not excluded from this group. But when I pull myself from a situation of flirtation, I spend the day thinking about it, and how frustrated my flesh is. I feel the need to do something that is not yet sin, but not the best thing. Something to satisfy my flesh. Honestly, I’m horrified that if I hold it all in, someday it will all come out as one hungry desire that could destroy me.
I’ve never really been all that good at self-control, so pulling myself away from a flirtatious boy or a gossiping group is really a step up for me. Not saying that this is an excuse for what I do now, but I have to acknowledge a little growth inside of me.
I hope one day I wont need these vents, or perhaps I’ll find a vent that fools that desire inside of me into thinking it’s been quenched, but really its honorable to God.
I’m struggling here in college into trying to be a good girl, and honestly sometimes I just want a pat on the back instead of a “this is all that you’ve done wrong”
I’ve seen the options I’ve had and where they could have taken me, and so far I think I’ve done a pretty darn good job.
I know it’s selfish of me, but I just wish I could get an “atta girl” for what I’ve done right.
By the way, it’s most likely that whatever you want to lecture me over is something I’ve already known about and been convicted for.
I’m just trying my best here, but I know I make mistakes and my discernment is off. I don’t see things the way the world sees them, which gives me a disadvantage in discerning things.
I’m not always right, but I’m not always wrong. And sometimes my flesh gets the better of me, but I’m not drowning, and I’m not going to be doing anything life-changing. I’ve resisted cheating (on Riley and on tests) and drinking and gossiping and lying and judging and wrath and greed and laziness and gluttony, etc etc.
But why is it that I do one thing wrong, and suddenly I’m a dirty sinful college girl who has changed? Why is my faith suddenly in question?
I’m not succeeding but I’m not failing either. Sure, get on my case if God leads you to, but every once in a while, encourage me. I’m trying here, and being a Christian girl is miserable sometimes.
I’m known as the Christian girl. They come to me with problems, and ask me about God sometimes. They avoid dirty jokes or explaining things that I don’t understand because (they say) they don’t want to ruin me. I even get those awkward looks when a joke is made and they say “You don’t get it, do you?” and when I say no they say “of course you don’t” and move on.
I get weird looks when people defend themselves and I say “the Bible does NOT say that” or I say “God doesn’t like that, I’m sure.”
Or when, the other day, I said, “Actually, the Bible is COMPLETELY against premarital sex, so there’s no point in arguing with me.”
And I was elected to be chaplain for the sorority.
Come on, I’m doing SOMETHING right…
I guess my whole point is that I’m not perfect, but I hope that I can get a little bit more support from some people. I’m not saying YOU who is reading this, it’s really directed at certain people, but I do hope you understand what I am saying, because I have rambled. I have no excuse for what I’ve done wrong and will do wrong, and I know that. But Christ is growing me more and more, and I hope that you notice that, too, before you notice my imperfections.
It’s sad to say that sometimes I have to search for something to do to let lose my desire to do something wrong, in hopes of finding something that’s not that bad.
When a guy comes up to me and starts flirting, it’s hard for me to not flirt back. Not because I’m not interested in the one I’m with, and not because I seek the excitement of cheating on him (this I hope I never desire) but because it’s a fun game to play. Flirting is just a fun thing for people, and I am not excluded from this group. But when I pull myself from a situation of flirtation, I spend the day thinking about it, and how frustrated my flesh is. I feel the need to do something that is not yet sin, but not the best thing. Something to satisfy my flesh. Honestly, I’m horrified that if I hold it all in, someday it will all come out as one hungry desire that could destroy me.
I’ve never really been all that good at self-control, so pulling myself away from a flirtatious boy or a gossiping group is really a step up for me. Not saying that this is an excuse for what I do now, but I have to acknowledge a little growth inside of me.
I hope one day I wont need these vents, or perhaps I’ll find a vent that fools that desire inside of me into thinking it’s been quenched, but really its honorable to God.
I’m struggling here in college into trying to be a good girl, and honestly sometimes I just want a pat on the back instead of a “this is all that you’ve done wrong”
I’ve seen the options I’ve had and where they could have taken me, and so far I think I’ve done a pretty darn good job.
I know it’s selfish of me, but I just wish I could get an “atta girl” for what I’ve done right.
By the way, it’s most likely that whatever you want to lecture me over is something I’ve already known about and been convicted for.
I’m just trying my best here, but I know I make mistakes and my discernment is off. I don’t see things the way the world sees them, which gives me a disadvantage in discerning things.
I’m not always right, but I’m not always wrong. And sometimes my flesh gets the better of me, but I’m not drowning, and I’m not going to be doing anything life-changing. I’ve resisted cheating (on Riley and on tests) and drinking and gossiping and lying and judging and wrath and greed and laziness and gluttony, etc etc.
But why is it that I do one thing wrong, and suddenly I’m a dirty sinful college girl who has changed? Why is my faith suddenly in question?
I’m not succeeding but I’m not failing either. Sure, get on my case if God leads you to, but every once in a while, encourage me. I’m trying here, and being a Christian girl is miserable sometimes.
I’m known as the Christian girl. They come to me with problems, and ask me about God sometimes. They avoid dirty jokes or explaining things that I don’t understand because (they say) they don’t want to ruin me. I even get those awkward looks when a joke is made and they say “You don’t get it, do you?” and when I say no they say “of course you don’t” and move on.
I get weird looks when people defend themselves and I say “the Bible does NOT say that” or I say “God doesn’t like that, I’m sure.”
Or when, the other day, I said, “Actually, the Bible is COMPLETELY against premarital sex, so there’s no point in arguing with me.”
And I was elected to be chaplain for the sorority.
Come on, I’m doing SOMETHING right…
I guess my whole point is that I’m not perfect, but I hope that I can get a little bit more support from some people. I’m not saying YOU who is reading this, it’s really directed at certain people, but I do hope you understand what I am saying, because I have rambled. I have no excuse for what I’ve done wrong and will do wrong, and I know that. But Christ is growing me more and more, and I hope that you notice that, too, before you notice my imperfections.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
it's official.
I changed majors. music to biology in one day.
I was really worried that i would change it then think "BIG MISTAKE" but that's not how it worked =)
I went on Friday to talk to Dr. Whaley, who is my biology professor. We kinda talked about the skills involved in different jobs you can get from a bio degree and such, and she said that it seems like i'd do really well in prepharm because i'm good at biology and i'm organized.
i also talked about what i wanted to get out of a job, and she said it was near perfect!
so i hope i'm on the right track. I feel like i am because when i turned in my form i was really excited!!
keep me in your prayers please!! i still have alot of decisions left to make!!
I was really worried that i would change it then think "BIG MISTAKE" but that's not how it worked =)
I went on Friday to talk to Dr. Whaley, who is my biology professor. We kinda talked about the skills involved in different jobs you can get from a bio degree and such, and she said that it seems like i'd do really well in prepharm because i'm good at biology and i'm organized.
i also talked about what i wanted to get out of a job, and she said it was near perfect!
so i hope i'm on the right track. I feel like i am because when i turned in my form i was really excited!!
keep me in your prayers please!! i still have alot of decisions left to make!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Good Day =)
Do you ever just have a good day?
Or maybe not even a day, but a good evening, or a good couple-of-hours?
When you're walking to you room, and even though it's raining, you're just enjoying the drops like they're something new and exciting
And when you're smiling for no specific reason, but that life is good.
And when, even though you know you have a lot of things to worry about and to do and to stress about, you know that it's okay, because one day there will be an eternal moment of a feeling better than this.
And when, even though you're so undecided on you're future, or you just don't know what is going to happen, you know that it will all be okay, and God will bless you every step of the way.
And when you feel like God is making it rain just for you to enjoy and smile, and that He's walking with you, dancing with you, in the rain.
When you just feel like God is with you, and you know it for sure.
Mmm. I love moments like those.
Moments like tonight.
Or maybe not even a day, but a good evening, or a good couple-of-hours?
When you're walking to you room, and even though it's raining, you're just enjoying the drops like they're something new and exciting
And when you're smiling for no specific reason, but that life is good.
And when, even though you know you have a lot of things to worry about and to do and to stress about, you know that it's okay, because one day there will be an eternal moment of a feeling better than this.
And when, even though you're so undecided on you're future, or you just don't know what is going to happen, you know that it will all be okay, and God will bless you every step of the way.
And when you feel like God is making it rain just for you to enjoy and smile, and that He's walking with you, dancing with you, in the rain.
When you just feel like God is with you, and you know it for sure.
Mmm. I love moments like those.
Moments like tonight.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
choices...
"You said, 'i know that this will hurt,
But if I don't break your heart then
Things will just get worse.
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember: the end will justify the pain it took to get us there.'"
I love those words.
I've recently become re-obsessed with Relient K.
and btw I've been randomly typing non-existent words, so forgive my typos.
I've been struggling with the decision of staying a music major or changing to something else... likkke pharmacy.
Let's see the pros and cons to doing voice v. pharmacy.
Voice:
pros
I get to sing.
I'm alright at singing, so I think I'd do alright.
I learn the in's and out's of music (i guess that's a pro?)
i could reach out to people...
cons
I could not be as good as I and other think, and I may not get a job
If I'm not a professional, I'd have to teach
After I'm a professional (if ever I was one) i'd have to teach
a lot of money for a lot of school for an iffy/low paying job
If a singer in a church, I'm not reaching outside of church lines
If a teacher, I can't assert my faith.
LOTS of performances throughout school... bleh not my favorite thing.
AND i would limit my music experience to my job/ what the show is.
Pharmacy: (or other bio/chem field)
pros:
possibly less years in school?
money that would repay my years in school
an interesting and exciting (and ever-changing) field
something i've never done before
I could reach out to scientists (who we know can be very stubborn)
semi-my own schedule, so I could do other things (singing at a church maybe a show, and missions)
cons:
i'm not sure if "ever-changing" is good.
ALOT of studying (idk if i'm that smart!!!)
something completely new to me
the people arent always that nice in that field...
I might have to limit my music-ness for the years i'm in school.
wow that turned out differently than i thought I would...
"the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."
Monday, August 31, 2009
The Healing Tree
The lights give off a fluorescent hum
As sirens wail in the distance
Heavy humidity presses against my lungs
Joined with the pressure of every day life.
My mind is saturated with knowledge of nothing
And my heart empty and desiring something;
Something which I cannot find from where I am.
Here it is.
My Healing Tree.
The place of truth among the cemented century
Where promise of nature and nature’s creator still grow
The leaves purify my breaths and thoughts
And soothes my young and weary soul.
It grows despite the wayward world
And pushes on despite criticism.
Oh that I were the tree in the courtyard,
The roots off all that is forgotten and solid as my feet
And the branches of love and eternity as my arms
With the wind and Word blowing through my leaves
That reflect the color of heaven.
As sirens wail in the distance
Heavy humidity presses against my lungs
Joined with the pressure of every day life.
My mind is saturated with knowledge of nothing
And my heart empty and desiring something;
Something which I cannot find from where I am.
Here it is.
My Healing Tree.
The place of truth among the cemented century
Where promise of nature and nature’s creator still grow
The leaves purify my breaths and thoughts
And soothes my young and weary soul.
It grows despite the wayward world
And pushes on despite criticism.
Oh that I were the tree in the courtyard,
The roots off all that is forgotten and solid as my feet
And the branches of love and eternity as my arms
With the wind and Word blowing through my leaves
That reflect the color of heaven.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Don't get too excited
I'm super tired and kinda sick. For some reason I don't have much patience right now (i think I'm just tired)
Welcome days has been fun, yet tiring. Today I got peanut butter and cheetos thrown at my face during "wild n crazy games"
and yesterday comedy sportz came and they were awesome and hilarious as always!
One thing I've noticed about people today is how rude they can be in certain situations. A girl, obviously frustrated and in a hurry, told a girl to scoot over because she didnt want to have to climb over here. Now, there are two points of rudeness. Girl A, the frustrated and hurried one, was rude to say it so impolitely. But, Girl B should have been considerate enough to move over.
Also, I've noticed how when some people, usually sweet and friendly people, act rude or do rude things when with other people. Now, I know that we act differently with different friends. I think it depends (obviously) on the friend, the role you play as a friend, and also the effect a friend has on someone. For instance, if I'm around Lindsay Landry, I'm hyper and excited. But if I'm around Rizza Gaudet, I'm pretty chill yet giggly. But some people just do rude things when with other people. And that's really beginning to annoy me....
sigh
but now i'm blabbing, so i should go to bed.
later.
Friday, August 21, 2009
First Day of Welcome days...
and now I'm in college!
Well lets see here my mom and Riley helped me move into my room. It's alot bigger than I thought and so far everything has worked out or had its purpose. I still need some kind of towel rack, SILVERWARE, and just more clothing.
I made a few friends at the welcome dinner. Her name is Lydia (i assume that's how you spell it) and she's a commuter. Then she met Molly (hehe) therefore I met Molly and they're pretty cool.
Then we all went to our packs. Pack 40! But I was the only one there?? Not sure how that worked out... me being the only one out of 10 who showed up, but whatever. SO we joined with Pack 39 and there I met Arianne who I foresee as being a very good friend of mine =) she's way cool and fun to be with and we both talk alot! Yay! And she lives right above me in room 24 (I'm 14) so that is very handy!
Then I got my beanie. It was INTENSE. They were playing a song that sounded like it was from a track of one of those football movies where it's the most important game and they have to try there hardest then its all awesome. It was a cool effect. They were also showing a slideshow of these old pictures of HBU since it was HBC and on. Then I got to stand up early because I'm a legacy. That was cool!
So now I got a super cute beanie. ahem.
Then i learned about "campus living" and all that stuff. but nothing exciting happened there.
Ari and I and a group of people that randomly increased as we went semi-toured the campus and now I'm not so totally confused! So that's cool.
I got my books in the morning and one of them is Mere Christianity..... that should be interesting!
Anyway I need to go get ready for the opening session and find Ari. Or perhaps I'll make more friends!
Now on to day 2 of welcome days!!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
LA Ink-a blurb
I find tattooing quite fascinating. It's really a great artistic form, and the people who are really good at it are REALLY good at it, and skin is their canvas.
Don't get me wrong... if i ever get tattooed (still undecided but leaning towards no) it has to be simple yet beautiful, and probably a word (as influenced by Erin Nally)
so my parents are watching LA Ink.
Let me tell you why!!
My cousin's wife, Maya Sloan Lane, has gotten a tattoo there via LA Ink, of her first published book. So, she's gonna be on tv!! it's really exciting!
So we're watching it, and the episode i've just seen, who ever the leading artist is just tattooed a picture of his dog on the man's right calf. The tattoo was GLORIOUSLY artistic and lifelike. I guess if you want the best, go to LA Ink.
EW and in other news, a dude working today at Panera Bread at 249 had massive gages (gauges? spelling???) and the only thing i thought about was what it would look like when he was 80 years old with droopy ears.
alright i'm done spieling.
later!!
Don't get me wrong... if i ever get tattooed (still undecided but leaning towards no) it has to be simple yet beautiful, and probably a word (as influenced by Erin Nally)
so my parents are watching LA Ink.
Let me tell you why!!
My cousin's wife, Maya Sloan Lane, has gotten a tattoo there via LA Ink, of her first published book. So, she's gonna be on tv!! it's really exciting!
So we're watching it, and the episode i've just seen, who ever the leading artist is just tattooed a picture of his dog on the man's right calf. The tattoo was GLORIOUSLY artistic and lifelike. I guess if you want the best, go to LA Ink.
EW and in other news, a dude working today at Panera Bread at 249 had massive gages (gauges? spelling???) and the only thing i thought about was what it would look like when he was 80 years old with droopy ears.
alright i'm done spieling.
later!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Jimmy Carter and Women
I thought it was funny today when i heard from my parents that former-pres Jimmy Carter separated himself from the Baptist church because they are discriminating against women (apparently cause of Eve.)
I think i should tell my idea of womens rights and equality.
Some girls that I know think that I'm horrible because I'm not all for equal rights of women and such. Truthfully some of it is a little ridiculous.
I'm all for equal opportunity in the office space and voting and such, that's cool, as long as the women are qualified for the job, and not getting the job just because they are meeting a women-to-men status. I think the attempt is (mostly) honorable.
Just like the prohibition laws.
Honestly, though, women will not see equal opportunity in some fields for quite a while. I think women should have the chance to pursue whatever job they would like, but they better be qualified and good, just like the men who have jobs should be qualified in theirs.
It's also how i feel about scholarships for minorities, because I know of myself and others who are more qualified for that kind of money v. some people who get money just cause their a "minority."
but i digress.
As for Mr. Carter and his fight, i think its modernly admirable, but perhaps more socially founded than biblically. Carter is standing up for the common woman today, whose only desire is to just do what she wants to do, as she stands in a business suit in a middle of New York City, with the wind blowing through her hair and dramatic music in the background.
Honestly, I'm fine with being "subjugated" as Carter puts it. I am okay with being subservient to my husband. Um, isnt that my job as a wife anyway? I don't like the idea of a powerhouse wife controlling the man, because that's a house doomed to fail (reference to Jon and Kate). The Bible places the man as the core of the house, in all relations and spirituality.
Also, women have their place, too.
No, not in the kitchen.
But at the same time, yes. I've percieved the role of a wife to be subservient to the man of the house, and taking care of him, because (heaven knows) most men can't really take care of things like women do. (cleaning house, cooking (well), constant laundry, raising kids while dad's at work, etc.) She must be an individual, and stand on her own strongly to support the man, while he holds the burden (spiritually and usually financially). Really, one without the other is do-able, if in the will of God, but not ideal. And really not something I'd want to pursue.
I think women should have jobs. To raise money before kids, and to spend time after kids. But i'm a full supporter of stay-at-home moms, if financially possible. I think women should have a life outside of the house (and away from their husbands). Women spiritual support groups, ministry opportunities, or even sport activities or hobbies. I imagine a girl can go crazy if all she has is her husband and kids for 18 years or so. Therefore, I support networking.
It seems as though Carter is peeved because women just dont have any hope any more because of their religion and/or culture. (He refers to Islamic tradition of strict rules and limitations on woman. How it relates to Baptists?--not sure.)
I'm putting my trust in the members of SBC to be pursuing and obeying God. If not, then women's rights is the least of everyone's worries.
I won't argue or discuss the matter of women having positions as deacons or chaplains and such. I don't have much knowledge in that field. All i know is that there are qualifications in 1 Timothy 3: 8-13 for deacons and their wives. Is it biblical to "vice versa" that?
I really do question where Mr. Carter has his foundation of women's rights. If he gives me a few good Bible references supporting himself, I would consider his article and separation a fight well fought, but right now, I'm just not so sure.
I think i should tell my idea of womens rights and equality.
Some girls that I know think that I'm horrible because I'm not all for equal rights of women and such. Truthfully some of it is a little ridiculous.
I'm all for equal opportunity in the office space and voting and such, that's cool, as long as the women are qualified for the job, and not getting the job just because they are meeting a women-to-men status. I think the attempt is (mostly) honorable.
Just like the prohibition laws.
Honestly, though, women will not see equal opportunity in some fields for quite a while. I think women should have the chance to pursue whatever job they would like, but they better be qualified and good, just like the men who have jobs should be qualified in theirs.
It's also how i feel about scholarships for minorities, because I know of myself and others who are more qualified for that kind of money v. some people who get money just cause their a "minority."
but i digress.
As for Mr. Carter and his fight, i think its modernly admirable, but perhaps more socially founded than biblically. Carter is standing up for the common woman today, whose only desire is to just do what she wants to do, as she stands in a business suit in a middle of New York City, with the wind blowing through her hair and dramatic music in the background.
Honestly, I'm fine with being "subjugated" as Carter puts it. I am okay with being subservient to my husband. Um, isnt that my job as a wife anyway? I don't like the idea of a powerhouse wife controlling the man, because that's a house doomed to fail (reference to Jon and Kate). The Bible places the man as the core of the house, in all relations and spirituality.
Also, women have their place, too.
No, not in the kitchen.
But at the same time, yes. I've percieved the role of a wife to be subservient to the man of the house, and taking care of him, because (heaven knows) most men can't really take care of things like women do. (cleaning house, cooking (well), constant laundry, raising kids while dad's at work, etc.) She must be an individual, and stand on her own strongly to support the man, while he holds the burden (spiritually and usually financially). Really, one without the other is do-able, if in the will of God, but not ideal. And really not something I'd want to pursue.
I think women should have jobs. To raise money before kids, and to spend time after kids. But i'm a full supporter of stay-at-home moms, if financially possible. I think women should have a life outside of the house (and away from their husbands). Women spiritual support groups, ministry opportunities, or even sport activities or hobbies. I imagine a girl can go crazy if all she has is her husband and kids for 18 years or so. Therefore, I support networking.
It seems as though Carter is peeved because women just dont have any hope any more because of their religion and/or culture. (He refers to Islamic tradition of strict rules and limitations on woman. How it relates to Baptists?--not sure.)
I'm putting my trust in the members of SBC to be pursuing and obeying God. If not, then women's rights is the least of everyone's worries.
I won't argue or discuss the matter of women having positions as deacons or chaplains and such. I don't have much knowledge in that field. All i know is that there are qualifications in 1 Timothy 3: 8-13 for deacons and their wives. Is it biblical to "vice versa" that?
I really do question where Mr. Carter has his foundation of women's rights. If he gives me a few good Bible references supporting himself, I would consider his article and separation a fight well fought, but right now, I'm just not so sure.
Friday, June 19, 2009
you know its kinda funny...this whole worrying about my future thing...
when i pray i ask "what do you want me to do?"
i never realized that i shouldnt be asking that
because when i did i was asking 'what do you want me to do...with MY life?"
goodness. thats so stupid of me.
i gave up my life a long time ago...
and i still havent realized it.
i still think i'm living MY life
and not God's life..
thats a horrible way to say it but idk how else to.
but who am i to ask what to do with my life?
if i wanted to make my own decisions, i shouldnt have asked God to come into my life in the first place. that invitation gave God the controls over my life, so that i may live a life in Christ, not in myself.
Now, I'm not saying it's horrible to think in terms of "oh i should do this" sometimes, because situationally the best answer will come through that kind of thinking.
I actually recommend thinking "would this honor God?" in any situation.
but im coming to realize, as i await the long-time-in-coming answer of what to do with my life, that my life isnt my life to live...its my life ive given to God and for the purpose of His glorification.
meaning that if God gave me the gift of singing, and my singing honors God, then perhaps i should use that.
ive slowly come to the realization that God blessed me with the gift of singing for some reason...hmm...well maybe its cuz i should sing?
now that still leaves alot of questions unanswered... because its still possible to have another profession along with singing... or should my singing be my only thing? i know i dont have to worry about the money and stuff because God will provide if i'm within His will, but i cant help but consider it.
really and truly, if money werent a concern, i would sing.
is that a sign?
i have to give my life up fully to God, for God. and pray that in trusting my life to God, things will happen the way God wills them to...
its not up to me to make the decisions...yet i feel the pressure of choosing these things because i am the one who puts it on paper... and i'm still not sure what to do with that.
i hope i continue to learn.
when i pray i ask "what do you want me to do?"
i never realized that i shouldnt be asking that
because when i did i was asking 'what do you want me to do...with MY life?"
goodness. thats so stupid of me.
i gave up my life a long time ago...
and i still havent realized it.
i still think i'm living MY life
and not God's life..
thats a horrible way to say it but idk how else to.
but who am i to ask what to do with my life?
if i wanted to make my own decisions, i shouldnt have asked God to come into my life in the first place. that invitation gave God the controls over my life, so that i may live a life in Christ, not in myself.
Now, I'm not saying it's horrible to think in terms of "oh i should do this" sometimes, because situationally the best answer will come through that kind of thinking.
I actually recommend thinking "would this honor God?" in any situation.
but im coming to realize, as i await the long-time-in-coming answer of what to do with my life, that my life isnt my life to live...its my life ive given to God and for the purpose of His glorification.
meaning that if God gave me the gift of singing, and my singing honors God, then perhaps i should use that.
ive slowly come to the realization that God blessed me with the gift of singing for some reason...hmm...well maybe its cuz i should sing?
now that still leaves alot of questions unanswered... because its still possible to have another profession along with singing... or should my singing be my only thing? i know i dont have to worry about the money and stuff because God will provide if i'm within His will, but i cant help but consider it.
really and truly, if money werent a concern, i would sing.
is that a sign?
i have to give my life up fully to God, for God. and pray that in trusting my life to God, things will happen the way God wills them to...
its not up to me to make the decisions...yet i feel the pressure of choosing these things because i am the one who puts it on paper... and i'm still not sure what to do with that.
i hope i continue to learn.
Friday, May 1, 2009
I believe...
I believe
that the world was created by "intelligent design"
but "intelligent" is such an understatement.
Glorious, Wonderful, Holy.
I believethat this "intelligent" designer also designed a man and a woman
that was my downfall
but he also designeda man as "intelligent" as he
in the most amazing "intelligent" sacrifice
saved me
from my sins and imperfections.
This designer created me, dirty, sinful, imperfect
to be beautiful...His very own daughter
if only I accept my place in His kingdom.
This "intelligent" man
who is limited to scientific theory
who is downplayed to relate to a religion that people rebuke
who is forgotten as we live our happy little sinful lives on this intelligently designed earth
still loves us.
Who are we to limit God? Who are we to put Him in a box, and limit his powers to theories so that we as stupid humans can understand Him?
Who are we to say that God has to follow these Laws of man?
Who are we to say that God HAS to love us? God HAS to forgive us? God HAS to create a happy little world where there is no hell and no heaven and everyone just lives happily ever after? that God HAS to forgive everyone who doesnt believe in Him just because they're good people? God HAS to save me and my fallen friends because if He doesnt well then He just doesnt exist! God HAS to make my life perfect! I said I believed in Him, so why do I still hurt? Why did He fail me?
Who are we to say that God owes us anything?
Who are we to believe that we deserve God? Freedom? Happiness?
In all honest truth, we deserve nothing.
We deserve to die. That's our punishment for sin.
Yet this "Intelligent designer" made a path for us to achieve all that we do not deserve.
Yes, it's sad that not all good people go to heaven. But they had a choice at some point, I can guarantee it. They chose to ignore the signs, or not listen to someone.
It's not like we deserve to have a choice of forgiveness anyway.
God doesnt HAVE to do anything. HE knows it, I forget it.
God doesnt HAVE to love me, but He does. More than anything I know God loves me.
This God who doesnt do enough justice for the world, who lets murderers live and rapists rape and kidnappers win and babies die and terrrorists succeed--does justice on me everyday. I feel convictions burning in my heart everyday, and that's justice in my life. But those people I listed, murderers rapists... they'll find their justice.
"For I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering
and make an everlasting covenant with them."
Isaiah 62.8
If that's not justice, I dont know what is.
For me, it's very simple.
This "intelligent designer" that I believe in,
who created the world and everything surrounding it
who is massive and righteous and powerful and eternal
seeks "justice"
and that's all I need.
I believe
that the world was created by "intelligent design"
and nothing can shake me.
that the world was created by "intelligent design"
but "intelligent" is such an understatement.
Glorious, Wonderful, Holy.
I believethat this "intelligent" designer also designed a man and a woman
that was my downfall
but he also designeda man as "intelligent" as he
in the most amazing "intelligent" sacrifice
saved me
from my sins and imperfections.
This designer created me, dirty, sinful, imperfect
to be beautiful...His very own daughter
if only I accept my place in His kingdom.
This "intelligent" man
who is limited to scientific theory
who is downplayed to relate to a religion that people rebuke
who is forgotten as we live our happy little sinful lives on this intelligently designed earth
still loves us.
Who are we to limit God? Who are we to put Him in a box, and limit his powers to theories so that we as stupid humans can understand Him?
Who are we to say that God has to follow these Laws of man?
Who are we to say that God HAS to love us? God HAS to forgive us? God HAS to create a happy little world where there is no hell and no heaven and everyone just lives happily ever after? that God HAS to forgive everyone who doesnt believe in Him just because they're good people? God HAS to save me and my fallen friends because if He doesnt well then He just doesnt exist! God HAS to make my life perfect! I said I believed in Him, so why do I still hurt? Why did He fail me?
Who are we to say that God owes us anything?
Who are we to believe that we deserve God? Freedom? Happiness?
In all honest truth, we deserve nothing.
We deserve to die. That's our punishment for sin.
Yet this "Intelligent designer" made a path for us to achieve all that we do not deserve.
Yes, it's sad that not all good people go to heaven. But they had a choice at some point, I can guarantee it. They chose to ignore the signs, or not listen to someone.
It's not like we deserve to have a choice of forgiveness anyway.
God doesnt HAVE to do anything. HE knows it, I forget it.
God doesnt HAVE to love me, but He does. More than anything I know God loves me.
This God who doesnt do enough justice for the world, who lets murderers live and rapists rape and kidnappers win and babies die and terrrorists succeed--does justice on me everyday. I feel convictions burning in my heart everyday, and that's justice in my life. But those people I listed, murderers rapists... they'll find their justice.
"For I, the Lord, love justice.
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering
and make an everlasting covenant with them."
Isaiah 62.8
If that's not justice, I dont know what is.
For me, it's very simple.
This "intelligent designer" that I believe in,
who created the world and everything surrounding it
who is massive and righteous and powerful and eternal
seeks "justice"
and that's all I need.
I believe
that the world was created by "intelligent design"
and nothing can shake me.
Monday, April 27, 2009
SHWAT?!
So on Saturday I had the most amazing Birthday-date-day ever!!
Let's see....
Saturday afternoon, Riley picked me up..
...and we went to Barnes and Noble! haha we got our AP study books and journals (me for my senior signing, and riley just cuz...) then we t to Mardel's and returned Riley's not red-letter Bible and got a book.
...then we got Pei Wei take out!!!! =) and took it to Matzke Park to have a PICNIC!! =D i've never been to a picnic before...(one with less than 50 people)...and it was really sweet =)
...
..
and THEN...
DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!!!!
I HAVE A ZUNE!
and i love it ooberly mucho much much much!
yep yep yep!
makes me really happy!!
...
...
and thus...my bday wish is fulfilled!!
then afterwords =) we baked a really good good cake (marble cake with black icing and sprinkles!)
and we completed the day with a classic movie that is a must see for everyone...
LION KING!
haha
my birthday so far is AWESOME and it's not even my birthday yet!
DISCLAIMER:
The zune was not free. haha he ain't that rich =) nor would i ask for that much =) I have to pay him back for some of it (most of it really) but its very awesome that he made it happen =) SO donations to the pay-riley-back organization is well accepted (as bday money if thou so chooses of course!)
sigh.
i love my bday!
Let's see....
Saturday afternoon, Riley picked me up..
...and we went to Barnes and Noble! haha we got our AP study books and journals (me for my senior signing, and riley just cuz...) then we t to Mardel's and returned Riley's not red-letter Bible and got a book.
...then we got Pei Wei take out!!!! =) and took it to Matzke Park to have a PICNIC!! =D i've never been to a picnic before...(one with less than 50 people)...and it was really sweet =)
...
..
and THEN...
DUN DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!!!!
I HAVE A ZUNE!
and i love it ooberly mucho much much much!
yep yep yep!
makes me really happy!!
...
...
and thus...my bday wish is fulfilled!!
then afterwords =) we baked a really good good cake (marble cake with black icing and sprinkles!)
and we completed the day with a classic movie that is a must see for everyone...
LION KING!
haha
my birthday so far is AWESOME and it's not even my birthday yet!
DISCLAIMER:
The zune was not free. haha he ain't that rich =) nor would i ask for that much =) I have to pay him back for some of it (most of it really) but its very awesome that he made it happen =) SO donations to the pay-riley-back organization is well accepted (as bday money if thou so chooses of course!)
sigh.
i love my bday!
Monday, April 20, 2009
My Arm is Complete Again!
name that movie!!
haha
recently i've really needed some kind of motivation to keep on trying.
thus far, i've found nothing.
sigh.
MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!!! =D
and I really want something...
i want an iPod.........touch.
dun dun dun!!!
well really that's what i want
and if erin's revealed plan fails, i'll take the money and combine it with what i'll earn this summer and buy myself one!
but at the same timee....maybe just a regular ole mp3 will be better for me, because i'm easily distracted. someone like me with a toy like the ipodtouch (i'm not gonna bother capitalizing it correctly) might not get much done.
BUT, though it's not as good as the iPhone, it's got some handy dandy...resources!
Riley's told me of things better than an iPod, so i should go check those out
here's a poll: what should I sing for my spring concert senior solo? for some reason, i've been singing At Last by Etta James over and over and i like it...
hmm...
on to a more serious note...i've gotten tired of being nice to people who aren't nice to me. I know it's a great thing to do...love and have patience...but i really just want to yell at the people who yell at me, backstab people who backstab me, ignore people who ignore me...but i wont...
part of the reason is that i hope that me being a good girl will come back and help me out in the future...
another part is that i know that i'm not perfect, so if i forgive a person for something, then i do something similar, hopefully they'll forgive me like i forgave them...
and a part is, of course, because God wants us to love everyone, not throw hot coals at their heads. Instead help them.
I don't understand how I can do this without some people i can handle, and who i don't really have to try to love...because it comes naturally.
I'm very thankful for those people. =)
well, i havent read my Bible yet today, so i shall go and do that.
night!
haha
recently i've really needed some kind of motivation to keep on trying.
thus far, i've found nothing.
sigh.
MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!!! =D
and I really want something...
i want an iPod.........touch.
dun dun dun!!!
well really that's what i want
and if erin's revealed plan fails, i'll take the money and combine it with what i'll earn this summer and buy myself one!
but at the same timee....maybe just a regular ole mp3 will be better for me, because i'm easily distracted. someone like me with a toy like the ipodtouch (i'm not gonna bother capitalizing it correctly) might not get much done.
BUT, though it's not as good as the iPhone, it's got some handy dandy...resources!
Riley's told me of things better than an iPod, so i should go check those out
here's a poll: what should I sing for my spring concert senior solo? for some reason, i've been singing At Last by Etta James over and over and i like it...
hmm...
on to a more serious note...i've gotten tired of being nice to people who aren't nice to me. I know it's a great thing to do...love and have patience...but i really just want to yell at the people who yell at me, backstab people who backstab me, ignore people who ignore me...but i wont...
part of the reason is that i hope that me being a good girl will come back and help me out in the future...
another part is that i know that i'm not perfect, so if i forgive a person for something, then i do something similar, hopefully they'll forgive me like i forgave them...
and a part is, of course, because God wants us to love everyone, not throw hot coals at their heads. Instead help them.
I don't understand how I can do this without some people i can handle, and who i don't really have to try to love...because it comes naturally.
I'm very thankful for those people. =)
well, i havent read my Bible yet today, so i shall go and do that.
night!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
In answer to Riley's Update:
Only if you pay!
Haha, just kidding!
I would love to go to prom with you, Riley Sheehan.
=)
Haha, just kidding!
I would love to go to prom with you, Riley Sheehan.
=)
Busy busy
I'm quite angry with all of my teachers.
I don't like how they wait until the last week of the six weeks to give students all of the projects, quizzes, and tests.
e.g. Government. This week: 2 quizzes, 1 test, 1 major grade project.
aarrrggg
in other news I auditioned for the HBU FOCUS and refuge and I think I did well!
Even if I don't make it I wont regret it because I did my best =)
This weekend I'm spending a night in the dorms at HBU to experience the student life there! I'm excited! I hope that HBU is the place I'm supposed to be.
In more exciting news...I have a date for prom! Now, for all of you who just rolled your eyes at me, I'm just excited that I was asked! Of course, Riley, being the computer-savvy boy that he is, did it via computer.
teeheehee =)
if you consider it, it's really quite cute because...all the world can see! muahahaha
((it can be seen on his blog, btw. ))
for choir we're singing Twist and Shout (I dont know why, either) and chorale is doing a lion king medley (it's kinda cute) and Natalie Butcher and I are doing some duet i think as pre-area candidates!
as my senior solo song...I'm not sold. I could do The Call by Regina Spektor, but I've sang At Last by Etta James for half of my life.
Sigh. Decisions decisions.
The world was in mourning today as Riley's pet fish Ping Pong died last night of unknown natural causes. Rumor has it he is seeking a new gilled companion soon in Petsmart with his non-gilled companion(me). The ceremony and funeral will be held tomorrow at 1 by the toilet.
This was the random wednesday update by katie!
Brought to you by: Chocolate Bunnies...the Sweet Side of Easter!
What is the secret to a better chocolate cake? Next time, on Random Update with Katie!
I don't like how they wait until the last week of the six weeks to give students all of the projects, quizzes, and tests.
e.g. Government. This week: 2 quizzes, 1 test, 1 major grade project.
aarrrggg
in other news I auditioned for the HBU FOCUS and refuge and I think I did well!
Even if I don't make it I wont regret it because I did my best =)
This weekend I'm spending a night in the dorms at HBU to experience the student life there! I'm excited! I hope that HBU is the place I'm supposed to be.
In more exciting news...I have a date for prom! Now, for all of you who just rolled your eyes at me, I'm just excited that I was asked! Of course, Riley, being the computer-savvy boy that he is, did it via computer.
teeheehee =)
if you consider it, it's really quite cute because...all the world can see! muahahaha
((it can be seen on his blog, btw. ))
for choir we're singing Twist and Shout (I dont know why, either) and chorale is doing a lion king medley (it's kinda cute) and Natalie Butcher and I are doing some duet i think as pre-area candidates!
as my senior solo song...I'm not sold. I could do The Call by Regina Spektor, but I've sang At Last by Etta James for half of my life.
Sigh. Decisions decisions.
The world was in mourning today as Riley's pet fish Ping Pong died last night of unknown natural causes. Rumor has it he is seeking a new gilled companion soon in Petsmart with his non-gilled companion(me). The ceremony and funeral will be held tomorrow at 1 by the toilet.
This was the random wednesday update by katie!
Brought to you by: Chocolate Bunnies...the Sweet Side of Easter!
What is the secret to a better chocolate cake? Next time, on Random Update with Katie!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Oh, Responsibilities.
I had one of those days where suddenly everything clicks, and I yell "CRAP."
Yeah. I've been having alot of those lately.
This thing will be like a schedule of me complaining/mentioning about all the things that I have to do.
And these are NOT in priority order.
Now, please note, that I'm not complaining about the things... just the fact that I have to do them all at the same time...
Let's start with getting my Calc grade up to a passing grade. Yes, I admit it, I am not doing so hot in Calculus. But I'm trying so hard! I'm doing all of my homework, asking all of my smart friends to help me, and even tomorrow I'm going in to ask help from the teach. Oy, why did I get myself into this?
Next is keeping all my other grades A's. Singularly, that's not very hard. But that combined with everything else makes it tougher.
Now there's choir. Not choir choir, but managing the choir. Yes we got sweepstakes! WOO! But, now i have to throw a banquet. boo. Well i dont mind doing it. I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit, but somehow it tends to go down on my priority list as my day goes on. Still, I need to find fabric, prices for stands, established photographer information, make a check list of all the things needed, get the tshirts printed, keep my notes together, check that the payments go to the right people, copy the shirt design for ms paul, and find bamboo door-hangers.
Now there's HBU. I got a call-back for the FOCUS and Refuge auditions, which is great! the bad thing is that it's next wednesday, meaning it's SOON and I dont feel like I have time to get completely ready!! I'm freaking out about that!!!
Private voice lesson recital is coming up, and Mrs. White is having me sing Il Bacio, which is a really long, slightly complicated song that I dont think I have time to learn!!
Graduation announcements need to be done soon. So do Banquet and Prom plans. So much planning!!! Oh, and birthday planning. That's a biggie, too.
Specifically this week, I'm a part of two worship bands. One has two practices and one show...the other has one practice and no shows until (technically) next week. I'm getting alot of band practice this week. I love it, but it's alot!!
And Lastly, sadly, but DEFINITELY not least...I'm having a hard time dedicating time AND focus to God. So much is in my mind (music, planning, ideas, equations...) that I don't feel like I'm spending raw time with God, which really depresses me, and I dont feel like I can control the chaos in my mind sometimes. Or, when I finally get my mind to calm down, I fall asleep when I'm praying, and then I feel guilty when I wake up, and then I fall asleep again while I'm praying for forgiveness and praising for patience, then I wake up feeling guilty...and it's just a bad cycle.
I don't know how conventional this is, but I wanted to ask that for those who have a spare thought...pray for me that I may be able to sit and focus and dedicate part of my day to God. I really need some silence in my life, and I want to give that silence as worship to God.
As for those smarties who notice the irony of this blog (i have no time...yet here i am writing a blog!) I'm taking time out of my 'me' time to write this. This is me splurging what's on my mind, which I have to do almost everyday, either verbally (to someone else or even to myself) or on paper.
Well, this is all that I have for today!!
Your Sister in Christ
Yeah. I've been having alot of those lately.
This thing will be like a schedule of me complaining/mentioning about all the things that I have to do.
And these are NOT in priority order.
Now, please note, that I'm not complaining about the things... just the fact that I have to do them all at the same time...
Let's start with getting my Calc grade up to a passing grade. Yes, I admit it, I am not doing so hot in Calculus. But I'm trying so hard! I'm doing all of my homework, asking all of my smart friends to help me, and even tomorrow I'm going in to ask help from the teach. Oy, why did I get myself into this?
Next is keeping all my other grades A's. Singularly, that's not very hard. But that combined with everything else makes it tougher.
Now there's choir. Not choir choir, but managing the choir. Yes we got sweepstakes! WOO! But, now i have to throw a banquet. boo. Well i dont mind doing it. I'm actually enjoying it quite a bit, but somehow it tends to go down on my priority list as my day goes on. Still, I need to find fabric, prices for stands, established photographer information, make a check list of all the things needed, get the tshirts printed, keep my notes together, check that the payments go to the right people, copy the shirt design for ms paul, and find bamboo door-hangers.
Now there's HBU. I got a call-back for the FOCUS and Refuge auditions, which is great! the bad thing is that it's next wednesday, meaning it's SOON and I dont feel like I have time to get completely ready!! I'm freaking out about that!!!
Private voice lesson recital is coming up, and Mrs. White is having me sing Il Bacio, which is a really long, slightly complicated song that I dont think I have time to learn!!
Graduation announcements need to be done soon. So do Banquet and Prom plans. So much planning!!! Oh, and birthday planning. That's a biggie, too.
Specifically this week, I'm a part of two worship bands. One has two practices and one show...the other has one practice and no shows until (technically) next week. I'm getting alot of band practice this week. I love it, but it's alot!!
And Lastly, sadly, but DEFINITELY not least...I'm having a hard time dedicating time AND focus to God. So much is in my mind (music, planning, ideas, equations...) that I don't feel like I'm spending raw time with God, which really depresses me, and I dont feel like I can control the chaos in my mind sometimes. Or, when I finally get my mind to calm down, I fall asleep when I'm praying, and then I feel guilty when I wake up, and then I fall asleep again while I'm praying for forgiveness and praising for patience, then I wake up feeling guilty...and it's just a bad cycle.
I don't know how conventional this is, but I wanted to ask that for those who have a spare thought...pray for me that I may be able to sit and focus and dedicate part of my day to God. I really need some silence in my life, and I want to give that silence as worship to God.
As for those smarties who notice the irony of this blog (i have no time...yet here i am writing a blog!) I'm taking time out of my 'me' time to write this. This is me splurging what's on my mind, which I have to do almost everyday, either verbally (to someone else or even to myself) or on paper.
Well, this is all that I have for today!!
Your Sister in Christ
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
say hello to fame
ladies and gents, this lowly girl is now a PUBLISHED AUTHOR!!
woo!
well, okay, i've been published twice before, but this time i got money for it!
according to the letter, i got top ten out of thousands of entries, for this poem I wrote about artists! haha, now i know what to write about.
note to self, when submitting something to someone, write about something those someones can relate to.
That is my advice. Now that I am oh so wise and published.
teehee =)
Along with my letter of good joy about being published, I recieved my acceptance and scholarship letter from HBU. That was pretty exciting!!
Now as for those who do not know, I am still officially undecided.
But that doesnt mean i really am.
No, I havent decided.
But i'm tilting.
moving on to the subject of deciding colleges, it's taken me alot of prayer, reading, and time alone to get me to where i am. To comfort those who care, I'm just trying to make the best decision according to what God wants for me. Since I've never been recieving flashing neon signs pointing out the answers, I'm waiting till I'm sure.
And i'm not announcing anything until i'm sure. =)
next, let's move on to what I'm reading.
The Bible.
Yep, that's pretty much it.
I just recently started reading Ecclesiastes.
Random? Yes.
But I realized that I've never actually read anything from there so I thought I'd give it a try.
Ironically, it's making me slightly depressed.
The first two chapters really are about how meaningless life is... why work so hard just so that when you die, you have to give it to someone who didnt work hard for it?
Why depend on material possessions anyway, if we're just going to die?
Really, it's quite depressing.
First emo book.
BUT it's all true, because what i get out of it is that wisdom cannot be achieved through things or experience, but through the pursuance of God and the passion to be god-like. Then our inheritance is the wisdom that wisdom doesn't make a person better, it just makes them know more things about the world. Being Christ-like re-creates a person. I guess it's making a 'better person' but it's taking that old person, crucifying them, and creating a whole new human who has a passion for Christ. True wisdom comes from that experience. The wise are those who have been reborn. There is no reward for working hard, for having several material possessions, or even for being wise, but there is the greatest reward for pursuing God's heart and living to be like Him and honor Him.
The hardest thing to do is to make the right decision to do what honors God the most.
What makes it harder is that somethings vary from person to person.
A well known example of this is dating. Many friends of mine think that it would be dishonoring to God if they started a relationship with someone. But I know that I am not dishonoring God by dating Riley. Note: what i mean by 'honoring' and 'dishonoring' is 'respecting.' e.g. i am honoring God's will by not dating/dating. But it also goes with the other definition, which means a reverence or respect. Through my relationship, i have learned what it means to honor God even more. Surely, my relationship is not dishonorable!
Well, I will end my spiel for now.
Have a good life!
woo!
well, okay, i've been published twice before, but this time i got money for it!
according to the letter, i got top ten out of thousands of entries, for this poem I wrote about artists! haha, now i know what to write about.
note to self, when submitting something to someone, write about something those someones can relate to.
That is my advice. Now that I am oh so wise and published.
teehee =)
Along with my letter of good joy about being published, I recieved my acceptance and scholarship letter from HBU. That was pretty exciting!!
Now as for those who do not know, I am still officially undecided.
But that doesnt mean i really am.
No, I havent decided.
But i'm tilting.
moving on to the subject of deciding colleges, it's taken me alot of prayer, reading, and time alone to get me to where i am. To comfort those who care, I'm just trying to make the best decision according to what God wants for me. Since I've never been recieving flashing neon signs pointing out the answers, I'm waiting till I'm sure.
And i'm not announcing anything until i'm sure. =)
next, let's move on to what I'm reading.
The Bible.
Yep, that's pretty much it.
I just recently started reading Ecclesiastes.
Random? Yes.
But I realized that I've never actually read anything from there so I thought I'd give it a try.
Ironically, it's making me slightly depressed.
The first two chapters really are about how meaningless life is... why work so hard just so that when you die, you have to give it to someone who didnt work hard for it?
Why depend on material possessions anyway, if we're just going to die?
Really, it's quite depressing.
First emo book.
BUT it's all true, because what i get out of it is that wisdom cannot be achieved through things or experience, but through the pursuance of God and the passion to be god-like. Then our inheritance is the wisdom that wisdom doesn't make a person better, it just makes them know more things about the world. Being Christ-like re-creates a person. I guess it's making a 'better person' but it's taking that old person, crucifying them, and creating a whole new human who has a passion for Christ. True wisdom comes from that experience. The wise are those who have been reborn. There is no reward for working hard, for having several material possessions, or even for being wise, but there is the greatest reward for pursuing God's heart and living to be like Him and honor Him.
The hardest thing to do is to make the right decision to do what honors God the most.
What makes it harder is that somethings vary from person to person.
A well known example of this is dating. Many friends of mine think that it would be dishonoring to God if they started a relationship with someone. But I know that I am not dishonoring God by dating Riley. Note: what i mean by 'honoring' and 'dishonoring' is 'respecting.' e.g. i am honoring God's will by not dating/dating. But it also goes with the other definition, which means a reverence or respect. Through my relationship, i have learned what it means to honor God even more. Surely, my relationship is not dishonorable!
Well, I will end my spiel for now.
Have a good life!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Nummer Eins
I have converted to the world or bloggers.
Though, sadly, I will never be one of you.
Thus, I'll be a fo blogger.
=) so just roll with me and we'll see how this goes =)
III dont really have anything to say here except that I found something else to spend time doing something else that I don't need to be doing.
Currently I'm obsessed with several TV shows (Ugly Betty, The Big Bang Theory, CSI: Miami, Fringe, House, Numb3rs, Ghost Whisperer, Psych, The Mentalist...), added with a bit of Facebook, a little bit of writing time, toss in a bit of home work, and I've got a full day! But now adding blogging...well, what can I say? I'm intrigued!
Let me warn you... I know nothing about computers. So all you with these shnazzy blogs...yes I will look sad. I admit it now. But whatever. You win. All I have is my pride! but not in computers =)
So this is my own little welcome party for myself!
That sounds lonely.
But really, I'm quite excited.
Welcome, self, to a more nerdy past time!
Woo!
Though, sadly, I will never be one of you.
Thus, I'll be a fo blogger.
=) so just roll with me and we'll see how this goes =)
III dont really have anything to say here except that I found something else to spend time doing something else that I don't need to be doing.
Currently I'm obsessed with several TV shows (Ugly Betty, The Big Bang Theory, CSI: Miami, Fringe, House, Numb3rs, Ghost Whisperer, Psych, The Mentalist...), added with a bit of Facebook, a little bit of writing time, toss in a bit of home work, and I've got a full day! But now adding blogging...well, what can I say? I'm intrigued!
Let me warn you... I know nothing about computers. So all you with these shnazzy blogs...yes I will look sad. I admit it now. But whatever. You win. All I have is my pride! but not in computers =)
So this is my own little welcome party for myself!
That sounds lonely.
But really, I'm quite excited.
Welcome, self, to a more nerdy past time!
Woo!
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