Short summary

Here's a summary of all that matters right now:

My relationship with Christ is a little rocky right now, but His convictions are strong and humbling, and I'm working my way back.

I got a 90.8 on my bio 2 lab final, and all i needed was an 85!! I would have gotten a higher grade, too, if someone hadn't of been stupid and cheated on a question. Lame. BUT I got higher than I needed to get a B in Bio, so all that's left is the lecture final!

I have three tests: one tomorrow in Psych, and two on Friday, in Government and Chem lab.

Friday is also my audition to get into the top choir here. WISH ME LUCK.

3 day weekend... monday is a dead day for everyone to study.

Saturday I have a group interview for a job at the YMCA to be a camp counselor, and the graduation party is that day, too, so I might be late........

and finals all next week!

THEN SUMMER. *happy sigh*

Hawaii is ON. June 5th-12th SO EXCITED.

And perhaps Kenya? We'll see. Maybe this year. Maybe next year.

Anyway, for those who cared, this is summary of my chaotic life right now.

Keep me in your prayers, please, for continued growth in Christ and for some peace!

Love you all =)

Imparting Wisdom

One of the many things I am thankful for in my previous relationship with Riley was that he (basically) put a book (Don't Waste Your Life, to be exact) in my hands and told me to read it.

After I (finally) opened my heart, I was changed. I grew. Simple as that.

I'm so incredibly thankful for the leaders who are gifted in speech and/or writing. If read/listened to with an open heart and an open mind, God reveals, convicts, and loves.

It saddens me when I just don't have time to read the books or listen to the sermons. Usually, the times I have no time for it are the times I really need it. (And, regrettably, sometimes the times I really need it are the times I don't really want to read it/listen to it.)

The point I'm making is that I'm thankful for the wisdom, love, and conviction that God provides through His followers. They are vessels for His glory, and I find it wondrous and amazing that we are blessed with such great resources. The leaders that God has appointed openly and continuously impart wisdom and Spirit-given words to us, the thirsty, growing children.

I can't help but praise God for those true leaders He has blessed us with.

A Goal

So, for today, April 20th, 2010, Marilyn and I promised to attempt to be nice to everyone. That means: no sarcasm or witty replies. Only compliments, neutral comments, or just walking away from situations that are too tempting (there have already been a lot of those... and it's only 45 minutes into the day).

This is something I've always struggled with. I don't think that insulting each other for fun is inherently bad (it's just a type of humor) but I am guilty of using it to vent my anger. Meaning that what is perceived by others as my normal sense of humor is really me being genuinely angry. I don't think that's a good thing.

I'm going to try to be nicer.

Now, I will still have the same sense of humor. I can't change that. I'll still be sarcastic, and if there's an incredible opportunity for a burn, I'll totally take it, but I'm going to be more careful with what I say and when I say it.

Well, I'm going to try, anyway.

I don't want the way I talk to people to be the means by which I vent my anger. I need to vent genuinely to get my anger out. One time, I paced across Marilyn's room for a good while, talking to Marilyn directly about the subject that made me angry, and it really felt good. I don't know why I bother spreading my venting across the day by being rude to people.

And yes, it is admittedly sad that some people don't know the difference between truly-rude me and sarcastic-rude me. That should change. I should really just not be rude to people I'm not close with. My good friends get it (and retaliate) but acquaintances shouldn't have to deal with it.

Actually, some people might think something is wrong when they realize I'm being nice all the time.

This will be really hard for me, sarcasm and witty-comments being the sense of humor by which I was raised, but if it is displeasing in the eyes of God, I've got to tone it down. A lot.

I'll make sure and let you know if I reach my goal! If I don't, I'm going to keep trying till I get it right.

Classes... *sigh

This isn't really an "enlightened" post
I'm just avoiding going to sleep because I'm a little... depressed.

I've been extremely stressed because of classes and finals coming up. As far as it seems, I'm getting straight B's. So frustrating.

Biology is what frustrates me the most. I just can't do well on her tests. I love the information, and enjoy the class, and I can even recite nearly everything back you word for word, but I can't get A's! I don't know what it is! I've been getting B's, which is acceptable (average, but acceptable), but I just learned I got a 67 on my last test.
Epic fail. How the crap can I do well in that class, now?!

I think it will take me a lifetime to learn what it means to not worry. There are some things I don't stress about because I can put them out of my mind... but how do you not stress about grades? How do I leave things like my classes in God's hands?

I have faith in the assurance that I can't screw any of God's plans up, and that everything is in His will, but I also know that we must work.
But I also know that God will provide for me.

I'm stressed because I only have two weeks left till finals. I have to do REALLY WELL on my finals. Then comes summer, and I don't have a job yet (not too many people are hiring). I need to get some money for the mission trip this summer. And I just need to figure out what God wants to do with me.

I don't know, guys. I'm just freaking out. It's getting harder for me to stay focused when I'm praying and reading God's word and I can't hardly sleep. I don't know what's going on, I just want it to go away.

Don't get the wrong idea here. I still rejoice in all that God has given me. It's just that I get in these strange situations where I'm so joyful in God's grace, and yet I...
well, I just don't know. Maybe this is just a metaphorical valley I have to trudge through.

*sigh

Please keep me in your prayers.

This was more of a boring, venting kind of blog, so I apologize.
But if you've read this far, congrats =)
I'll try to make the next one more exciting.