Thursday, November 25, 2010

If only, if only...

If only I were feeling lyrical/poetic right now, I'd write a poem about what I'm thinking, but in this mindset I don't think I would do myself justice. So, instead, I shall write it out it a not-really artistic way.

After an evening of chatting and chillin with good friends of mine (Eric Chin, Erin Nally, Zach Horst, Kevin Beddow...) I realized that I am really emotionally stressed, and now is the time to unwind with it all...so I took the long way home (and by long way, I mean I drove up and down 249 until my thoughts began to clear).

When I got home, I laid down on the hood of my car and stared up at the cloudy sky. I just stared at it. I began thinking and praying, and I really just unloaded a bunch of crap in my life to God. It's a good thing it was 1 a.m. because if anyone was walking by and had heard me praying out loud they might have thought I was crazy.

There was a pause in my thought process when I realized something as the moon came out from the clouds: there's a huge parallel in what I've been thinking and what nature is showing me.

There were moments when I could see the moon shining as clear as though there was nothing but empty space between us, so much so that I could see the craters and the deep blue sky around it. Then a part of the cloud would race over and cover it up and the light would gradually fade away until it was like the moon was never there at all.

Sometimes I feel like I am walking with God, and I can just feel Him and be with Him, but sometimes I feel like I am just staring at a blank sky, left to lay there by myself, when deep inside I know that He is still there and that He hasn't moved -- that He is unchanging -- just like I knew that the moon was still there... it's just hidden.

God is still there, even when it doesn't feel like He is, and I really needed to hear that.

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