Here's something that the amazing and wonderful Marilyn Maddox taught me.
You don't just wake up one day and think "Yeah, I'll forgive them."
It's a process.
You have to pray for God to humble you, to teach you how to use the strength he's given you, to open your heart. You need time and determination. Time because you grow away from the situation, and determination because you have to push yourself to not let the situation dig into your heart. You can't think about it all the time.
You can't sit around mumbling to yourself about how you can't forgive them. You can't think about it all the time, or else it will burn you up. You have to fight your mind so that you don't think about it. Go read a book. Call a friend. Start a project. Do something that focuses your mind on something else. When you push your mind away from it, it just becomes a part of the past. You'll learn that it doesn't hurt you anymore. You'll learn that it just doesn't matter any more. You move on.
God did this amazing thing by rescuing us from sin, because he rescued us from the flesh, from ourselves. We, as believers, do not have to give in to these earthly desires. These desires for revenge. These strange desires for this earthly satisfaction of having a scar in our lives. We can conquer these, and control ourselves. Why not use this?
So where I am right now is in the waiting stage. Not to say that I'm not doing anything, because I'm just waiting for the ability for me to forgive and move on to come. While I'm waiting, I'm praying, I'm pushing the thoughts away from me, and I'm simply forcing myself to move on. No longer can I let this inability to forgive hold me back spiritually and emotionally.
Forgiveness. It doesn't always just happen in a moment. But we can forgive with God's guidance and with the strength he has given us.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
To Forgive or Not To Forgive
I think it's time we had a little talk about forgiveness.
And I mean little, because I'm still learning about it.
As little tykes, we were taught about sharing and forgiveness. God tells us to forgive as we have been forgiven. How many times should I forgive him? Oh, 70 x 7? Well, that seems like a lot... but whatever you say, Jesus.
Christ drills into our heads the importance of love and forgiveness. And for those of us who have Christ in them, it's quite easy to forgive many people for many things. And if you are easy going about things, it's even easier.
What, you forgot to bring my $5 that you owe me? Whatevs. Try to remember tomorrow.
Why is this so easy? Well (a) they're probably feeling guilty and begging for forgiveness anyway and (b) it really isn't a big deal.
What if the situation were like this?
What, you forgot to bring the $5 I needed to pay the rest of the tab so that now I could possibly be arrested or I have to beg for money from someone else?
Unrealistic? Possibly. But be honest. If this were the situation, wouldn't it be harder to forgive them?
God calls for us to forgive both of these people in both of these situations. He asks us to forgive the person in the second situation just as easily as we forgave the person in the first situation.
What would make matters worse is if the person in the second situation wasn't sorry and didn't apologize.
If you're human, that irks you, too.
-Oh, I forgot your $5. Woops.
-Wow, look at this mess I got you into!
-My bad. That sucks how much this ruins your life.
-*laughter*
Yes, it annoys me, too. If anything, it just makes me wrestle with God even more, because I don't want to forgive them.
Heck, they didn't ask for forgiveness, so why should I forgive them?
Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for God to die for me so I would be forgiven of anything. I didn't ask God to conquer death. I didn't ask God to show the ultimate act of love by sending His son to the cross. And, sometimes, I value pride over honor and I won't ask for forgiveness, either.
But God did all those things. Without me asking, and without a second thought, God did.
As a Christian, I strive to live the WWJD life, including the life Jesus lead forgiving everyone. Not just the whole wiping-my-sins-away forgiveness, but his own personal forgiveness to people that personally wronged him. He forgave Peter, who denied him. He forgave the people who crucified him.
Who that crap do I think I am that I can withhold forgiveness from anyone when Christ forgave the people, the very guilty and sinful people, who CRUCIFIED him?! He was dying and in so much incredible pain and he said, "They don't know what they're doing, so forgive them." I'm fairly certain that I'd be spitting on them, possibly throwing out a few bad words here and there, and yelling at them, plotting my revenge as a ghost to haunt their stupid lives.
Be honest, you know you wouldn't be too graceful about it, either.
But we, as Christ followers, must strive to be like him. Therefore, we must forgive.
I was convicted not too long ago that I had never forgiven a few people for wronging me. Part of it was that it never occurred to me that I should. The other part of it is... I don't want to. They haven't (and most likely will not) asked for forgiveness.
I'm struggling with this. These people have wronged me more than I've ever been wronged, they're the few that have never asked for forgiveness, and I just hold this incredible grudge against them, mostly subconsciously.
I've been praying about it, and I think that's all I can do for now. Why not learn forgiveness from the ultimate forgiver?
If I learn anything new, any hints or wisdom, I'll be sure to let you know.
And I mean little, because I'm still learning about it.
As little tykes, we were taught about sharing and forgiveness. God tells us to forgive as we have been forgiven. How many times should I forgive him? Oh, 70 x 7? Well, that seems like a lot... but whatever you say, Jesus.
Christ drills into our heads the importance of love and forgiveness. And for those of us who have Christ in them, it's quite easy to forgive many people for many things. And if you are easy going about things, it's even easier.
What, you forgot to bring my $5 that you owe me? Whatevs. Try to remember tomorrow.
Why is this so easy? Well (a) they're probably feeling guilty and begging for forgiveness anyway and (b) it really isn't a big deal.
What if the situation were like this?
What, you forgot to bring the $5 I needed to pay the rest of the tab so that now I could possibly be arrested or I have to beg for money from someone else?
Unrealistic? Possibly. But be honest. If this were the situation, wouldn't it be harder to forgive them?
God calls for us to forgive both of these people in both of these situations. He asks us to forgive the person in the second situation just as easily as we forgave the person in the first situation.
What would make matters worse is if the person in the second situation wasn't sorry and didn't apologize.
If you're human, that irks you, too.
-Oh, I forgot your $5. Woops.
-Wow, look at this mess I got you into!
-My bad. That sucks how much this ruins your life.
-*laughter*
Yes, it annoys me, too. If anything, it just makes me wrestle with God even more, because I don't want to forgive them.
Heck, they didn't ask for forgiveness, so why should I forgive them?
Well, I'm pretty sure I didn't ask for God to die for me so I would be forgiven of anything. I didn't ask God to conquer death. I didn't ask God to show the ultimate act of love by sending His son to the cross. And, sometimes, I value pride over honor and I won't ask for forgiveness, either.
But God did all those things. Without me asking, and without a second thought, God did.
As a Christian, I strive to live the WWJD life, including the life Jesus lead forgiving everyone. Not just the whole wiping-my-sins-away forgiveness, but his own personal forgiveness to people that personally wronged him. He forgave Peter, who denied him. He forgave the people who crucified him.
Who that crap do I think I am that I can withhold forgiveness from anyone when Christ forgave the people, the very guilty and sinful people, who CRUCIFIED him?! He was dying and in so much incredible pain and he said, "They don't know what they're doing, so forgive them." I'm fairly certain that I'd be spitting on them, possibly throwing out a few bad words here and there, and yelling at them, plotting my revenge as a ghost to haunt their stupid lives.
Be honest, you know you wouldn't be too graceful about it, either.
But we, as Christ followers, must strive to be like him. Therefore, we must forgive.
I was convicted not too long ago that I had never forgiven a few people for wronging me. Part of it was that it never occurred to me that I should. The other part of it is... I don't want to. They haven't (and most likely will not) asked for forgiveness.
I'm struggling with this. These people have wronged me more than I've ever been wronged, they're the few that have never asked for forgiveness, and I just hold this incredible grudge against them, mostly subconsciously.
I've been praying about it, and I think that's all I can do for now. Why not learn forgiveness from the ultimate forgiver?
If I learn anything new, any hints or wisdom, I'll be sure to let you know.
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