If only I were feeling lyrical/poetic right now, I'd write a poem about what I'm thinking, but in this mindset I don't think I would do myself justice. So, instead, I shall write it out it a not-really artistic way.
After an evening of chatting and chillin with good friends of mine (Eric Chin, Erin Nally, Zach Horst, Kevin Beddow...) I realized that I am really emotionally stressed, and now is the time to unwind with it all...so I took the long way home (and by long way, I mean I drove up and down 249 until my thoughts began to clear).
When I got home, I laid down on the hood of my car and stared up at the cloudy sky. I just stared at it. I began thinking and praying, and I really just unloaded a bunch of crap in my life to God. It's a good thing it was 1 a.m. because if anyone was walking by and had heard me praying out loud they might have thought I was crazy.
There was a pause in my thought process when I realized something as the moon came out from the clouds: there's a huge parallel in what I've been thinking and what nature is showing me.
There were moments when I could see the moon shining as clear as though there was nothing but empty space between us, so much so that I could see the craters and the deep blue sky around it. Then a part of the cloud would race over and cover it up and the light would gradually fade away until it was like the moon was never there at all.
Sometimes I feel like I am walking with God, and I can just feel Him and be with Him, but sometimes I feel like I am just staring at a blank sky, left to lay there by myself, when deep inside I know that He is still there and that He hasn't moved -- that He is unchanging -- just like I knew that the moon was still there... it's just hidden.
God is still there, even when it doesn't feel like He is, and I really needed to hear that.
Showing posts with label revelation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label revelation. Show all posts
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
God is good...
..all the time.
Yesterday (Friday) was crazy. I felt like I was losing my sanity. So much pressure, so many things to do, and I have to do them all perfectly. It was this weird feeling that even though I had time to do stuff, I didn't know what to do with it... I didn't know where to begin. And honestly, I didn't get anything done because I just sat there and thought for a while.
Sometimes, I hate it inside of my head.
Its like a cloud of confusion and chaos just floats around there, and there doesn't seem to be a light shining through.
But suddenly, He was there.
When I got off of work at midnight, I walked outside and randomly walked to the middle of the courtyard and looked up.... and I saw the vast heavens. Yep. In the middle of Houston, I saw stars. It was overwhelming seeing that... seeing that God is greater than my tiny mind and in control of everything. Even if I fail at life, God is still going to use me.
I don't really remember what happened next, but I ended up in the prayer room...crying. I was staring at the Bible sitting in the middle of the table, and I realized that God's Word was the only thing alive in that room.
God started pushing away all my thoughts and made me focus on Him, and He reminded me that He's the goal I'm pushing for, not for perfection, not even (really) a degree or a masters, but Him. If, in my pursuit of glorifying Him, I obtain a degree and a job, then that's a blessing and a reward, but not the end goal.
He made me focus on the different areas of my life. School, sororities, music, friends... what I need to change to improve my life for Christ. I came to realize that (usually) when there's something wrong in my life, I avoid thinking about it because I don't want to deal with it. He pretty much forced me to think through things and deal with them (and in the end, deal with Him).
And THEN, to top it all off, I had a strange dream about marriage (and I NEVER have dreams about marriage) to make me THINK about marriage, which (call me strange) I don't do too often. [The rest of this conversation will be made with close friends. Sorry...]
The Lord is always teaching me new things, and I am so incredibly thankful for His patience and grace because I would hate to see who I would be without it.
Yesterday (Friday) was crazy. I felt like I was losing my sanity. So much pressure, so many things to do, and I have to do them all perfectly. It was this weird feeling that even though I had time to do stuff, I didn't know what to do with it... I didn't know where to begin. And honestly, I didn't get anything done because I just sat there and thought for a while.
Sometimes, I hate it inside of my head.
Its like a cloud of confusion and chaos just floats around there, and there doesn't seem to be a light shining through.
But suddenly, He was there.
When I got off of work at midnight, I walked outside and randomly walked to the middle of the courtyard and looked up.... and I saw the vast heavens. Yep. In the middle of Houston, I saw stars. It was overwhelming seeing that... seeing that God is greater than my tiny mind and in control of everything. Even if I fail at life, God is still going to use me.
I don't really remember what happened next, but I ended up in the prayer room...crying. I was staring at the Bible sitting in the middle of the table, and I realized that God's Word was the only thing alive in that room.
God started pushing away all my thoughts and made me focus on Him, and He reminded me that He's the goal I'm pushing for, not for perfection, not even (really) a degree or a masters, but Him. If, in my pursuit of glorifying Him, I obtain a degree and a job, then that's a blessing and a reward, but not the end goal.
He made me focus on the different areas of my life. School, sororities, music, friends... what I need to change to improve my life for Christ. I came to realize that (usually) when there's something wrong in my life, I avoid thinking about it because I don't want to deal with it. He pretty much forced me to think through things and deal with them (and in the end, deal with Him).
And THEN, to top it all off, I had a strange dream about marriage (and I NEVER have dreams about marriage) to make me THINK about marriage, which (call me strange) I don't do too often. [The rest of this conversation will be made with close friends. Sorry...]
The Lord is always teaching me new things, and I am so incredibly thankful for His patience and grace because I would hate to see who I would be without it.
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